Amanda Holden gave an emotional interview on ITV’s This Morning about the tragic stillbirth of son Theo and how she is honouring his memory with a new fund.
The Britain’s Got Talent judge lost Theo seven months into her pregnancy in 2011.
She’s now founded Theo’s Hope, a fund that aims to one day allow for bereavement counsellors to be available in maternity wards to any parents who may go through a similar tragedy.
Read more: Amanda Holden shares beautiful family photo
Amanda told Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield: “There is no reason for more than half of stillbirths in this country. One child, I think, in every 225 children is born stillborn, and there are no answers.
“There was no explanation for Theo.”
Amanda, 47, recalled the day she realised something wasn’t right in her pregnancy, explaining she’d been watching TV and realised she hadn’t felt her son move for a while.
“I’d just come back from filming Britain’s Got Talent. I had a bath to try and wake him up and did a lot of prodding, and had a coffee but still nothing. I didn’t panic, but I drove to the hospital and one of my lovely midwives couldn’t find his heartbeat, and that was the beginning of a horrific day.”
Amanda continued: “Then you think ‘oh my God, I’ve actually got to deliver this baby’. He was stillborn and I held him. It’s a real mixture of being really angry that it’s happened and really scared that you don’t know what a child that’s dead will look like.
“It’s a scary thing. But it was absolutely natural and normal when I held him. He felt like my baby. He was a good 3lbs so he was totally viable if he’d been born earlier.
Throughout the interview, both Holly and Phillip told Amanda she could stop the interview at any time if it was becoming too emotional or difficult to discuss.
Amanda, who went on to give birth to daughter Hollie, now six, spoke about how husband Chris Hughes had been worried about putting them through a pregnancy again.
“Chris was incredible and a massive support. He never wanted to put me through that tragedy again. Having a pregnancy after losing a baby is probably one of the scariest things you can do, and that’s why I’m here to talk about the fund that we are setting up.
Theo’s Hope has been launched in conjunction with Tommy’s charity, which researches stillbirth, premature birth and miscarriage, and provides information for parents-to-be.
“We want to raise money to pay for a bereavement counsellor to be present at the research centre in order that we and the NHS and the government can do the research to see the stats and just how life saving that is,” she said.
“I had so many people to talk to. I had counselling from my midwives, my family, husband. Talking to somebody and having someone to understand your questions is absolutely paramount. [Looking after] your mental health in your second pregnancy and months and weeks after losing a baby is absolutely essential.”
Amanda added: “Hopefully Theo’s Hope will raise the funds so that anybody that’s lost a child can have someone to talk to. You’ll never forget the pain but you’ll be healed in a way that can you can continue to live your life.
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“We are initially looking to raise £100,000 initially to fund someone for two years. We are looking to give the NHS – it’s not a nudge because I’m a massive fan of the NHS and I know they are stretched – we are sort of helping them to see that having that kind of help in place, long term, will save them money.
“And hopefully when the NHS see the stats for themselves, it’ll be something they can roll out in the future and that’s our aim.”
Amanda also spoke to the Daily Mirror newspaper for Baby Loss Awareness Week, saying: “Theo is always here. I dream about him and sometimes I speak to him.
“Lots of moments, symbols, make me think of Theo and connect me to him. But I don’t speak about them because I don’t want the magic to go. It’s weird… It almost feels as if he was never meant to be here. That’s how I’ve got my head round it.
“I feel honoured to be the person that carried him that far on his journey. I think perhaps he chose me because I was strong enough to handle it. He just didn’t need to continue his journey here. I think about him every day. And I look at Theo’s photograph. I keep it in another box with our marriage certificate and the children’s birth certificates as he’s still a part of our family.”
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The 41-year-old actress previously praised the NHS for its support and help following the tragedy.
Speaking in ITV’s Tonight: The NHS Saved My Life in May, the star tearfully recalled the moment she held Theo in her arms after his birth.
“He just looked so normal and so peaceful,” she said. “I just… I was still his mummy, so I took him in my arms and I said goodbye, basically.”
Amanda said it was a “horrific” time for the family after losing Theo and her husband, Chris, was “frightened” of trying for another baby as he didn’t want either of them to go through such pain again.
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Read more: Amanda Holden reveals how therapy helped her cope with tragic loss
She said: “But I knew in order to carry on and live life, I had to have a baby and I was lucky enough to have the choice and be able to have another one.”
The couple have daughters Lexi, 12, and Hollie, six.
Amanda added that the care given to her by NHS workers was phenomenal and she didn’t get excess attention just because she’s famous – instead, it’s the same level of support they give everyone.
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