An end-of-life carer has revealed the biggest regrets of her patients – told to her on their deathbed.
Let’s face it – growing old and dying is inevitable – but do you know what’s even more sad? Finding ourselves lying on our deathbeds wishing we had lived our lives rather differently.
Well, one carer has shared the “deathbed regrets” of her patients – and as expected some of them are heartbreaking.
Biggest deathbed regrets revealed
Hadley Vlahos, from New Orleans, Louisiana, has worked in her profession for eight years. So it’s fair to say that she has most likely seen a lot. And in her new book, serialised in The Mirror, The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments, the carer has revealed the biggest “deathbed regrets” her patients have shared.
‘You can’t take it with you when you go’
One of the first regrets Hadley learned was not to prioritise material goods. Instead, focus on the now.
They were both dying no matter what their money situation was.
She recalled: “I remember leaving this ginormous mansion and she was in her hospital style bed realising that you can’t take things with you when you go. I left her home to go to another house where the walls were falling down, and she was in the same hospital bed but all that mattered in the end was the people around caring for her. They were both dying no matter what their money situation was.”
Hadley then revealed that at around the same time, she was caring for patients in their fifties and sixties. She recalled how they had worked their whole life but “didn’t even get to retire”.
‘Stop waiting for that perfect time, start now’
Another patient shared his regret at not taking time earlier in life to pursue another career. According to Hadley, when she visited him he told her to “stop waiting for that perfect time, start now”.
She explained: “That one was from a patient who had wanted to become a doctor, but never did it because of the time it would take. He was looking back and thinking eight years was too long but then realised that eight years passes regardless. For many years I was taking these stories and applying them to my own life.”
‘Do things for yourself, not others’
Another regret she learned came from a woman who spent her entire life trying to impress others. She told Hadley to “do things for yourself, not others”.
“This woman was always concerned about what her friends thought and at the end of her life she was the only one alive and realised she didn’t do what she wanted to do. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she didn’t want to have to keep up and impress others. She said she was buying cars and houses to impress others and upgrade her lifestyle but wishes she’d just gone on trips for herself.”
Make time for family
One of the common things Hadley says she’s told by her male patients is that they wish they’d spent less time at work and more time with family. She said many people felt they “didn’t know their kids at all”.
Meanwhile, others regretted not telling loved ones how much they mean to them. Speaking about seeing someone for the last time, but not realising it at the time, she revealed many people wished they’d told others “how much they loved them”.
Hadley then explained how she applied that to her life by messaging old friends she hasn’t seen in a couple of years to tell them they still mean a lot.
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