It is no secret that EastEnders is struggling at the moment.
The BBC’s flagship show recently received its lowest ever ratings with fewer than three million people tuning in to watch during prime time.
Coronation Street and Emmerdale go from strength to strength and it’s time to do something drastic.
So here are seven ways to rescue it…
AXE THE DEADWOOD (DRAMATICALLY)
A disaster episode in the autumn is the perfect time to relaunch the show.
EastEnders has been hit with a series of high profile exits over recent months of characters that fans actually liked and it’s left the show in a bad way.
It’s time to be brutal – forget the actors – look at the characters and strike them through with a red pen if they aren’t performing.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures so it’s time to dust off the smoke machine, have a huge party at [insert venue here] and set fire to it, thus conveniently getting rid of as many as possible.
But you can’t just axe, you have to sow the seeds of re-growth by introducing new life to Walford which is why it needs…
A NEW, REFRESHING FAMILY
Not everyone has to arrive with a mysterious secret – but it helps.
It took Karen Taylor a year before she stopped annoying viewers with her bra strap (and half her kids and her dog haven’t been seen in months) but time is something EastEnders may not have.
There needs to be a new family with an intriguing family secret that doesn’t involve a hidden gun, drugs, bombs, gangsters etc.
Just decent kitchen sink drama with viewers being given the chance to embrace them all and go through the emotions with them.
But when they are introduced for the love of all that is soapy make sure they…
REFLECT THE NATION
Soaps are at their best when they reflect the viewers that watch them, and EastEnders is struggling in this department.
There are rich business people, and there are struggling unskilled workers. Where’s the middle ground?
The teachers, the doctors, the nurses, the bread and butter of soapland seem to be missing. Time to bring them in.
Vanessa Feltz also hit the nail on the head when she said that Walford could use a strong Jewish matriarch and her family, even offering to play the part herself.
And the show is distinctly lacking in LGBT representation.
For the soap that was so bold and brave when it began, this is sad. It’s now been reduced to one occasional lesbian (who sleeps with men), a bisexual woman (who has been pining over her ex-husband for a year) and a confused possibly bisexual schoolgirl who can’t quite decide whether she has a crush or a friendship with her best friend, or whether she just wants to play chess with her pensioner neighbour in his shed.
LGBT men exist too, and it wouldn’t hurt to have a stable gay couple raising a family in Walford for a change.
One of them could even be a member of a legendary Walford family…
BOLSTER THE MITCHELLS
There is a distinct lack of Mitchell blood on the Square now so it’s time to dream up a couple of new cousins and drag them kicking and screaming into Phil’s manor.
In an ideal world Grant would make a comeback with Courtney and a new wife who could rival Sharon in the matriarch stakes but we can’t have everything we want.
If we could… there would be two damp hair-dos being sorted out and we’d be forgetting that wedding night drowning incident…
BRING BACK (ACTUAL) FAVOURITES
Killing off Ronnie and Roxy is one of those storylines that all involved must regret because the viewers certainly do.
The backlash was swift and brutal and still on-going but, because of the way they died, it would be very tricky to bring them back.
And while that shouldn’t matter, it does, so instead EastEnders should plunder its past for its most brilliant characters and beg the actors who played them to return.
Case in point – Chrissie Watts.
She must be due out of prison soon and she’ll have a score to settle with Sharon, so who else would be better to return to the Queen Vic and cause no end of havoc in the Square?
Add in a new husband and a couple of step-kids and you’ve got the makings of a classic family. Especially if the new husband had a caustic mother ready to cut down anyone who crosses her.
And speaking of caustic mother in laws, it’s about time Claudette Hubbard returned to Walford. Her son’s gone missing and her grandchildren need her, even if Kim might not.
And if there’s anyone who can find Vincent, it’s the woman who clawed her way out of her own grave in a red dress and a hot fury to match.
There’s also the small case of Ian Beale’s missing children. One’s a murderer, one’s a drug addict, one hasn’t been seen in about three years (Cindy, hello, are you there?) and the other two were killed. So it’s time for Peter to return. Immediately.
KICK THE CARTERS OUT OF THE VIC
It will leave Danny Dyer devastated but the family needs it to survive.
Mick and Linda need to leave that pub – their kids have and it’s been a cause of constant misery for them, so it’s about time they put it up for sale and tried something else.
They were one of the most exciting additions to the show in years, but now they’re overplayed, stale and repeating themselves on an almost weekly basis.
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There’s only so much drama you can have in the pub and they’ve had it.
Unless the show is going to bring back Johnny and Nancy and briefly inject some new excitement, there’s no point in them keeping it.
And it’s time for a change of landlord. Goodness knows, it’s time for a change of landlord.
TIME’S UP FOR MAX BRANNING
This pains me to say it, because Jake Wood has been a phenomenal addition to the show but the time has come for Max to get his comeuppance.
He’s done too much and shown no remorse. The soap gods demand justice, and until they have it, things can’t get better.
And with all his enemies, you’ve got a cracking set up for a whodunnit.
And as long as that doesn’t take 42 years to be resolved like Lucy Beale’s death, people might watch.
How would you save EastEnders? Leave us a comment on our Facebook page @EntertainmentDailyFix and let us know what you think!