TV presenter Simon Thomas has told of his “stomach-churning dread” of the year ahead following the death of his wife.
The former Blue Peter host’s wife Gemma died in November just three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia.
Thomas has posted a heartbreaking message on Twitter sharing his feelings on saying goodbye to 2017 and the upcoming start of a new school term for the couple’s eight-year-old son Ethan.
As 2017 draws to its end this is where I’m at. Tomorrow will be another tough day, but I wish you a blessed 2018. pic.twitter.com/xurhXuw7qu
— Simon Thomas (@SimonThomasSky) December 30, 2017
He wrote: “Never been the biggest fan of January. In a heartbeat we go from the light filled time of Christmas to the often barren feeling landscape of the new year.
“But this year it fills me with a stomach churning dread.
“The unavoidable, inescapable return to the house we so loved, yet now breathes the loss of the woman who poured her heart and creativity into making it our dream home.
“The silence that has always felt so peaceful, is now a painful, claustrophobic one as I crave that front door to open again and her smiling face to come walking back in.”
He went on: “And then there’s the looming start of a new school term.
“The school gates, where the daily rhythm of family life is now so hard to be around, and the goodbye to the boy I won’t see for the next few hours.
“I don’t even feel like a family now, it’s me and the boy – the team, the partnership in this challenging journey we now find ourselves on.”
Thomas said “step by step we’ll keep moving, keep walking, keep cherishing the memories, keep seeking the light; but 2018 won’t be a new start”.
He continued: “The bells of Big Ben and the bursting fireworks won’t herald the start of a new beginning but instead the farewell to the last year I had with her and the continued walk through the confusing fog of grief.
“People have said to me many times over the past few weeks that it can’t get any worse – but it can, it really can.”
He concluded the post by saying: “I just pray to God that it won’t and that out of the ashes of 2017 we will begin to rise again. I hope God blesses you in 2018 and blesses us too.”
Shortly before Christmas the presenter shared his son’s letter to Father Christmas, in which he asked for “mummy back”.
Ethan’s letter asked for three things this year – Playmobil, Lego and his mother.
Thomas wrote on Instagram: “I just wish I could give him the third.”
Acute myeloid leukaemia is a type of blood cancer that affects the bone marrow.