Vicky Pattison has broken down in tears after reliving the breakdown of her relationship with ex-fiancé John Noble.
Appearing on This Morning today (Wednesday 30 January), the former Geordie Shore star became understandably emotional when she recounted the reasons for their split – and even admitted that HE blamed HER for his cheating.
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Speaking with Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby in an exclusive TV interview ahead of the new documentary she has been filming, Vicky recalled how her world turned upside down after discovering he had cheated on her.
Fans of the I’m A Celebrity winner, 31, know that John was photographed getting close to part-time model Poppy Owen at a nightclub in Dubai and that he and Vicky broke up shortly after.
Explaining why she continued with the documentary after her heartache, Vicky said: “The wheels were already in motion to make this show. It was meant to be about love and everything, but also just about my life.”
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She continued: “When the chips get down and life gets hard, I’m not the sort of person to throw in the towel. I was building a relationship with the production company and I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. I didn’t want to throw it all away.
“And one of the first things I did [post break-up] was come in here and worked. Slapping on a bit of lipstick and channelling my energies into work – it was exactly what I needed.”
She added: “When I started [the documentary], I didn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. I just felt really broken and really lost and I didn’t know where it was going to take us. I’m so pleased I’m not still lying in bed drinking gin and eating Pop Tarts out of the box, that’s a real positive!”
Vicky went on to say that the documentary series became about her wanting to show women who have been through something similar, that “although it’s rubbish and although it hurts and feels like you might not be able to get through it… you can”.
When asked where she thought the relationship [with John] was at, Vicky responded: “I was probably the most shocked out of anyone… I consider myself to be quite an intelligent woman, but obviously love is blind.
“I didn’t know there was anything wrong. I didn’t know that he wasn’t happy. I didn’t think he had this in him… So I was so taken aback and I think that’s what hurt the most.”
Vicky also revealed that they were due to film at a wedding venue and sign the contracts when the news of his infidelity broke.
On the break-up being so public, Vicky said: “Heartbreak is heartbreak, the hurt is the same. It made me deal with it differently. I would’ve had a lot more duvet time if I didn’t know everyone was watching.
“But it felt like I was trying to set an example; I didn’t want to let anybody win. I felt like I had to take control. He’d taken away so much stuff, I didn’t have a fiancé anymore, I considered him my best friend, so I didn’t have that either…”
As Vicky became more emotional about the changed landscape of her future, without John in it, she admitted that she has spoken to John a few times but that “it’s not positive”.
She said: “He’s not really remorseful, there’s no guilt. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. Says he didn’t cheat and says it was set up and said it was my fault because of the position I’m in…”
Revealing that she may have “dodged a bullet”, she said: “If this is something he’s had in his locker, it’s better I knew now before I was married to him, before I had kids.”
On her engagement ring reports, Vicky told hosts Phil and Holly: “He wants it back. Will I give it to him? Yeah, of course he can have it back… What am I going to do with it? I haven’t got the heart to sell it. I feel like I wanna move on. The show goes out tonight and, as of tomorrow, I don’t want to talk about him anymore… I still feel angry for what he did.”
In a heartbreaking revelation, Vicky also admitted that she had blamed herself for the split, wondering “if I was thinner maybe he would’ve loved me, or if I look more like those girls maybe he wouldn’t have done what he did.
“But, in the end, it’s not about me, I couldn’t make John love me and I couldn’t make him a man, that’s not my job. I’m getting there, I’m getting stronger… I’m getting a bit of the old sparkle back.”
Vicky Pattison: The Break Up airs at 10pm tonight on TLC.
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