I’m A Celebrity… South Africa is looking for its ultimate legend, but I’m already pretty clear in my mind who it definitely shouldn’t be – here’s the contestants ranked!
Of course, everyone will have a favourite contestant, or a particular celeb who drives them bonkers. Meanwhile, other so-called stars just blend into the background, swallowed up by the cast of characters.
As an I’m A Celebrity superfan who hasn’t missed one single series, I think I know what makes a good contestant. So here’s my list of I’m A Celebrity… South Africa celebs, ranked from worst to best.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 15. Janice Dickinson
Oh Janice, what the HELL happened? The former supermodel and self-proclaimed “bitch” promised to be one of the most entertaining campmates, but she’s one of the most boring.
Janice Dickinson is known for being brash, loud, and feisty, but she’s been mostly moaning and sleeping this time around. She’s a dead weight, refusing to fully commit to trials, and blaming her age for not participating. Errr, hang on love, you know you’re only a few years older than Carol and Fatima, don’t you?
She’s barely taking part, but she’s not providing any amusement either. Kick her off next please!
14. Dean Gaffney
At the time of writing, it’s early days for Dean Gaffney. He arrived in week two alongside Joe Swash, which is never a good comparison. Joe is ridiculously likeable, and makes everyone else look bad.
But Dean didn’t start off on a good foot with me. During his intro, Dean talked about himself in the third person, and came across as more David Brent than I’m A Celeb legend.
He asked: “Who is Dean Gaffney in 2023?” And my gut answered the question for him. Who cares?
I’m willing to be proven wrong, but Dean is going to need to be a whole lot less cringe to win a popularity contest with the other campmates.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 13. Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo
I’m going to admit, I’m massively biased here. I don’t like Toff, never have, and doubt I ever will unless she crashes down to earth with a bang one day.
Anybody else agree that she’s acting like she’s won it already? She’s given patronising pep talks to Helen, and dissed Janice’s appearance. No sister solidarity here AT all. This girl got famous on Made in Chelsea; it doesn’t exactly give her the upper hand with her peers, does it?
The worst, though? When she bragged about her 10-hour boozy lunches, when restaurant staff have to beg her to leave so they can go home. Pesky waiters spoiling her fun, boo hoo.
Also, describing the voting process as “the hardest thing she’s ever done”… Seriously, Toff? You’ve never done anything more difficult than writing down someone’s name on a reality show?
Vocal Tory Toff needs to pick up a newspaper occasionally, and realise there’s a cost of living crisis on. Toff turns me right off.
12. Jordan Banjo
Jordan Banjo on the ultimate I’m A Celeb legend edition… Did I miss something here? Yes, he’s a nice bloke. But there’s a handful of those in camp already.
He took part in the 16th season of I’m A Celebrity UK, and finished in 9th place. Not exactly a great recommendation, is it? I can think of several other former contestants who deserved his place in South Africa. Not least Peter Andre, Katie Price, Scarlet Moffat, Gina D’Acampo, and Christopher Biggins…
Sorry Jordan, you’re a bloody great dancer, and a decent chap. But you’re too vanilla to be on I’m A Celebrity… South Africa. You’re out of your depth with the other celebs, and bringing very little to the table.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 11. Andy Whyment
Andy Whyment is another very nice bloke, but with a sense of humour, too. Again, strong bias from me here, as he is one of the friendliest actors I have ever interviewed.
What’s not to like about Coronation Street star Andy? He wears his heart on his sleeve, is an all-round good guy, and helps around camp.
Just this week, Andy opened up about a historic storyline in the ITV soap, when the character of Tyrone was abused by girlfriend Kirsty.
He said: “A lot of men get domestically abused and [are] too ashamed to admit it.” I love a man who is not afraid to talk about the difficult issues. Even if that same man broke a camp record by taking more than four hours to start a fire…
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 10. Phil Tufnell
Phil Tufnell joins the ranks of ‘another nice bloke’ on I’m A Celebrity… South Africa. One of the older men, he’s funny, easy-going, and keeps things light.
He was totally chill about being chosen to join Shaun Ryder in the ‘other’ camp, proving that there’s no ego about him. To be honest, I’m still gutted that Phil’s bromance with Shaun was cut short. They were a great pair, and I feel Phil needs someone closer to his own age to bounce off.
Sadly, though, Phil hasn’t really had a chance to prove himself yet this year during any significant trials. Although he’s made it clear he’d be up for a chess challenge, but I think I might miss that episode if there is one (yawn)!
9. Joe Swash
Former EastEnders star Joe Swash made me feel physically sick when I saw him – only because of his disgusting trial, though!
Joe’s giggles are contagious, and he’s an uplifting campmate to have around. Deep down, I would have loved to see Joe enter the camp with his wife Stacey Solomon – now that would have been a killer combo!
As well as his huge smile and outgoing nature, Joe is a brilliant team player. During his first trial, he gave it his best – despite once again showing the nation what a strong gag reflex he has.
Although at the time of writing, he hadn’t entered the camp yet, I just know he’ll be a popular addition to the campmates and will bring everyone’s mood up.
8. Myleene Klass
Former Hear-Say star and classical musician Myleene Klass isn’t going to set the world alight with her witty repartee, but she’s a solid campmate.
I’ll forgive her the brief flap she had about being the camp chef – hadn’t she ever cooked before? – because Myleene was pure steel during the terrifying height trial. It’s easy to watch from home, but that looked seriously scary.
While all eyes were on Helen Flanagan, who was facing her fears and letting everyone know about it, Myleene quietly smashed it. And that’s what she does. Myleene just gets on with things with little or no drama. She doesn’t need to steal the spotlight, or scream the loudest.
She is girl power in a white bikini and I’m here for that.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 7. Amir Khan
First up, I feel it’s my duty to declare a conflict of interests here – I have a small crush on Amir Khan. Let me make it clear, though, I mean his face and body, not his brain. And, despite being a boxer, I would not expect him to come to my aid in a crisis. More likely, he’ll be running away from any danger.
But Amir was a great addition to the camp, and was the wrong person to leave in the second eviction. Fun, cheeky and scared of everything, Amir was entertaining, funny, and endearingly honest about his flaws.
Yes, he was super selfish when Shaun left camp for the budget Savannah Scrub. But I actually found it refreshingly candid. Amir is a sportsman, used to getting his way, and not scared of rocking the boat.
My main complaint about this series of I’m A Celebrity is the amount of ‘yes’ men. Everyone is being so nice. Throw in a Boy George please! Or even better, bring Shaun Ryder back (see below)!
6. Carol Vorderman
Vorders has every right to be in the running for I’m A Celebrity legend. She’s not my winner, but she’s a definite contender. A team player, she brings the brains while others bring the brawn.
While Janice has consistently complained about her age and the effect it has on her ability to do tasks, Carol has given everything a good go without descending into hysterics.
Carol gives women a good name. She’s intelligent, fit as hell, and sharp as a tack. I would always want Carol on my team. Okay, so she didn’t exactly shine during the Tanks of Torment trial. But she gave it a damn good go, despite a secret fear of drowning.
Wiping away tears, Carol and partner Fatima Whitbread still returned with seven stars to feed camp. Would Janice have given it a go? No way!
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 5. Fatima Whitbread
Toff nailed it when she called Fatima a “warrior”. That’s exactly what she is. The retired javelin thrower is someone I would want around in a crisis.
She’s strong as an ox, stoic, but not afraid to show her soft side. This week, the sportswomen breaks down as she recalls her time in a care home.
Fatima has been through more than most in her life, and she’s a true inspiration. Forget the vacuous TV stars of today, who care more about fillers and flings, Fatima is who I want my kids to look up to.
The camp mum took the ‘contraband’ controversy a little too seriously, but she’s from a rigid sporting background where cheating is frown upon. Fatima is a vital camp member, and we wouldn’t mind seeing her crowned I’m A Celebrity legend.
4. Gillian McKeith
Poo expert Gillian was a very controversial campmate, who many viewers – including me – loved to hate. Gillian, you are a truly unlikeable character. But you seem to know this, and it doesn’t bother you one bit!
Characters like Gillian McKeith are exactly what makes I’m A Celebrity such addictive viewing. In contrast to the dozens of forgettable campmates who come and go every year, no one could forget Gillian’s appearance. Yes, she was SO annoying, but I definitely tuned in to see her.
Every show needs a villain, and serial-fainter Gillian fit the bill. Smuggling herbs in her knickers didn’t make her more interesting, but it did prove her lack of neediness. She simply did not care what people thought of her.
I won’t forgive her for ruining Shaun Ryder’s chances during the trial that got them kicked out. But she does deserve to be ranked highly amongst the I’m A Celebrity campmates of 2023. Like Dame Judi Dench’s brief but Oscar-winning performance in Shakespeare in Love, Gillian’s arrival in camp was one of the highlights in what could otherwise have been a ‘meh’ season.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 3. Paul Burrell
Paul Burrell could never be accused of being boring. The former butler made his impression on Day 1 when he approached the first trial with all the stoicism of a sunken souffle.
The gurning, yelping and shrieking reminded me of a slug jerking under salt. Unsurprisingly, many viewers accused Paul of “acting” and “playing a game”. Like Gillian, Paul fills the villain role for me. But, unlike Gillian, Paul desperately wants to be accepted and to win.
Even Paul’s former campmate Shaun Ryder thinks Paul Burrell is faking it on I’m a Celebrity… South Africa. The Happy Mondays singer said the former royal butler is much tougher than he pretends to be.
After leaving the camp, Shaun told The Sun: “I love Paul Burrell, but the end of the day Paul comes from a pit village. Paul’s dad was a miner, Paul is hard as [bleep].”
I might not like Paul. I might think he’s faking it. But that makes great telly! And that’s why he’s number 3 in my I’m A Celebrity… South Africa ranking from worst to best!
2. Helen Flanagan
Actress Helen Flanagan would not have been on my list of people to return to the show. The first time around, even she admits she was “pathetic” and “useless”. You’ll get no argument from me there.
But, wow, has she reinvented herself. And that’s an inspiration to us all. I may pretend to be a cold-hearted bitch (Janice, you’re not the only one), but Helen’s U-turn bought proud tears to my eyes.
She proved that you can be more than what people say you are. During the height trial with Myleene and Amir, Helen was determined to come home with the stars. Which is exactly what she did. A far cry from her performance on Day 1, when she literally struggled to wear a helmet.
In 2010, Alex Reid walked into the Big Brother house to unanimous boos from the live audience. But just weeks later, he was crowned winner. I think Helen has that potential too. Don’t be fooled; she’s no airhead.
I’m A Celebrity South Africa ranked 1. Shaun Ryder
Shaun Ryder should never have been allowed to leave I’m A Celebrity… South Africa so soon. Within minutes of the first episode airing, many viewers had declared the singer their winner. And I couldn’t have agreed more.
The cynical Black Grape star tackled the whole experience with a serious case of side-eye, and was clearly only in it for the money, not to win some popularity contest. Which meant he would have been great entertainment.
Shaun’s face when former nemesis Gillian popped up out of a box just moments after he declared “there are no knobheads here”? Priceless.
Like Boy George in 2022, Shaun Ryder has a rock ‘n’ roll background and would have been quite happy to ruffle some feathers.
Shaun’s shock elimination was a mistake. He’s our I’m A Celebrity legend hands down.
I’m A Celebrity… South Africa continues on weeknights on ITV1 at 9pm.
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