ITV has announced new natural history and factual entertainment show Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters, and I’ve got a few ideas of who they could send in…
Slated to air next year to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the film Jaws, the show will dare a group of ocean-phobic celebrities to confront their greatest fear – sharks.
Throughout their adrenaline-fueled, challenge-heavy journey in the Bahamas – the shark capital of the world – the celebs will push past their limits to come nose-to-nose with nature’s ‘villains’.
But I reckon we could chuck in a few villainous celebs of our own, and kill two birds with one stone – perhaps even literally!
Shark bait – ITV needs to sign up Gregg Wallace
Now I know he won’t be that tasty after losing all that weight but I’m sick and tired of Gregg’s moaning and whining.
He reckons he’s a fitness guru now, so get into the shark tank Gregg and see who can swim the quickest. It’ll be more exhilarating than two hours of gaming a day, we can assure you!
Christian Horner
Time to do Geri Halliwell a favour and save her the decision of whether or not to leave her disgraced husband…
The blurb from ITV says the celebrities will be tasked with diving with a different species of shark, with the breeds getting bigger and more dangerous each time.
Sounds like it’ll be nothing compared to that Red Bull inquiry, eh Christian.
Shark bait – Katie Hopkins
Do I really need to explain my reasons for this one? Chuck her in with a great white and just be done with it.
The aim of the series is to show the place of sharks in the food chain, so what better way than to send in Katie, the woman who trolled Kate Garraway just days after her husband died.
Ashley Banjo
Now the Diversity frontman isn’t my pick, I like him, but looking at the Dancing On Ice hashtag on Sunday night it seems viewers definitely want rid of poor injury-stricken Banjo.
ITV said it’s excited for Shark! as it’ll “pioneer a format that blends conservation with wildly entertaining pop culture”. ITV viewers have said* they can’t wait for Ashley’s gammy leg to be sorted once and for all by a tiger shark.
*ITV viewers didn’t really say that, I made that part up!
Shark bait – Prince Harry, and Camilla!
Please ITV, please, put a scuba suit on him and send him thousands of metres under the ocean where we can’t hear his moaning and whining and slating of the royal family.
Or how about this for a great piece of telly – put Harry in there with his wicked stepmother Camilla.
Forget the sharks, we won’t need them, these two going head-to-head in a battle for survival is the show that’ll finally beat Strictly in the ratings war!
Sue Radford
For no other reason than to stop her breeding just for the duration of the show, mum of 22 kids Sue Radford is our top pick for the show.
Now we know that a tiger shark will be no match for this tiger mum, but just get her away from Noel for a few weeks and stop her popping out sprogs. Please, ITV!
Noel exclusively told ED!: “Please get her in there, I need a rest!”
*Again, he didn’t really, but we reckon that’s exactly what he’s thinking!
Now for the serious bit
All jokes aside, the show aims to teach viewers the important role sharks play in our oceans before it’s too late.
In a statement, ITV said: “We’re constantly looking for innovative approaches to wildlife storytelling and are certain that our fish-out-of-water spin – delivering 50 years after Jaws – will transform the world’s perception of these critical predators before it’s too late.
“Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters promises to be a once-in-a-lifetime challenge for some of the bravest celebrities out there.”
Read more: Linda Robson fears she’ll get in trouble as she flashes her bra live on TV
So will you be watching? Who would you like to see on the show? Tell us on our Facebook page @EntertainmentDailyFix.