The 2023 summer series of Love Island is well underway, with the usual dental floss bikinis, dramatic recouplings and germ-spreading snogging tasks.
Admittedly, as a 45-year-old married woman, I’m probably not ITV2’s target audience. But I really don’t think I’m alone in saying that there’s just so much wrong with the show – and it needs a total overhaul.
Love Island 2023: Time for a shake-up
The BBC’s I Kissed a Boy proved the appetite is there for a different kind of reality show. It’s just boring watching clones of last year’s Islanders parading round the villa with their skimpy bikinis, getting judged for how good a body they’ve got (Mitch, I’m talking to you) and being labelled a test. Poor Leah!
I know the women on the show sign up to appear, and obviously they’ve seen it before so know what the show entails. But, at the heart of it, Love Island is pitting women against each other, and urging them to fight to grab a man’s attention.
I was single for donkey’s years before I met my husband. I went out with my mates all the time, but we had a laugh with each other – we didn’t spend our time grafting. Ugh. And we never, ever went after the same bloke. In fact, if your mate had snogged a bloke in the pub that you had a secret hankering over, that idea was dead and gone the moment they locked lips – whether it lasted or not.
And you can call me old-fashioned, or Mary Whitehouse (look it up, kids), but the games where they’re instructed to snog the three Islanders they find the most sexy just leave me thinking about all the germs being exchanged! Blerugh!
Where are all the normal people?
I also think the gods and goddesses they pick for the show are in no way representative of the average Brit you’ll see out and about when you’re out on the pull or relaxing on the beach. There’s no one in there over a size 8, there’s no one even remotely ugly, they’re all basically babies just out of nappies, there’s no one with red hair – it just isn’t a diverse enough crowd for me. And I think that could cause a bigger problem.
Teenagers watch the show, impressionable young boys and girls. And I think the message being sent out is that you have to match up to this Love Island style of perfection to find love. When, in reality, you really, really don’t. Except the cast of Love Island 2023 aren’t exactly illustrating that…
Yes, you need to have a spark with your partner, but finding someone to settle down with is about a lot more than if you’re a good kisser. And this is something they’ll discover when they leave the villa and real life – and all its associated problems – kick in.
No man needs a ‘test’ if he likes you
You need someone strong and steady, dependable and kind and, more than anything, trustworthy. Will you ever feel secure and happy your boyfriend is out and about if he’s been talking to other girls as a “test” in front of your very eyes?! I know I wouldn’t! If he does that in front of you, just imagine what he’ll do behind your back…
Instead of falling for someone’s looks and not a lot else, look a little deeper. All this getting to know them malarkey is just surface flirty banter. There are no deep and meaningfuls, the only “connection” I think they’re feeling is one that emanates from their nether regions. There’s more to “love” than sexual attraction, kids.
In it for the fame
Now I’m not tarring them all with the same brush, perhaps some of the show’s contestants really are looking for love. Or perhaps they’re after a deal with Pretty Little Thing…
You can guarantee that once they’re out of the villa they won’t be tucked up indoors getting to know each other away from the gaze of the spotlight. Oh no, they’ll be capitalising on every single moment. And I don’t blame them for this. But ITV needs to be a lot clearer over what the show’s about.
And, while they’re at it, give us more Maya Jama! She’s brilliant as host, but she’s wasted on the once-a-week spin-off show and occasional villa visit. Spain’s only a two-hour flight away, shake it up and get her in the villa a lot more often!
And, while you’re at it, send in some more booze. That’ll spice things up a bit – and reflect the real world a little more. After all, who nurses one glass of fizz on a night out – especially when you’re on holiday!
They’re after a career boost, not love
If you ask me (and I’m aware you didn’t), it’s just not the same as it was in the days of Molly Mae Hague and Tommy Fury. Their love story was a true fairy tale – and one that’s stood the test of time. They’re all models and influencers now, and they’re just using the platform to further their career, not find love.
I can only hope that Davina McCall’s Romance Retreat, dubbed a middle-aged Love Island, will be a little more refreshing. But if I see one dental floss bikini on a middle-aged bum that looks like mine, I’m switching off. Yes, I want change, but there’s no need to scar people for life!
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