Chris Packham opened up about his mental health battle after he was diagnosed with autism, admitting he wanted to end his life.
The Springwatch presenter first experienced suicidal feelings in 2003, when he lost his dog.
In his book, Fingers in the Sparkle Jar: A Memoir, he reveals his pets kept him going when he was having a bad time.
Pets saved his life
Chris, 61, wrote: “Both times it was precipitated by losing my dog. The pet in question was a one-year-old called Fish.”
When his depression still hadn’t lifted after a few months, he was in crisis again. But his long-term partner Charlotte Corney had bought him two new pets – unknowingly saving his life.
Looking back on his declining mental health, he said: “I hadn’t made any mental preparation for losing Fish.
“I’d been to the football, the dog was in the car and Charlotte dropped us off. But within 10 minutes he’d been run over and died in my arms. It was horrendous, the whole process of him dying and having to bury him.
“It was a mirror image of what had happened with the bird.”
The bird he was referring to was a kestrel named Tem, which he had saved and raised when he was a teen.
But when the bird died from unknown causes when he was 14, Chris didn’t know how to deal with the loss. He had out-of-body visions and was unable to speak for days.
Chris Packham’s diagnosis
He was eventually diagnosed with autism when he was in his forties.
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In his book, he wrote: “It’s confusing. You think you’re like everyone else. I’d play football and ride bikes with the other kids but by the time I got to adolescence, I didn’t want to be involved with anyone my own age.”
But although he had a tough time, he doesn’t have any self-pity.
He added: “I grew up in a three-up, three-down in Southampton looking at National Geographic. Three weeks ago, I was swimming with sperm whales in the Indian Ocean. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Spingwatch airs on BBC Two, Monday – Thursday at 8pm
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